


Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: Damian's "Friend" ft. Overly Curious and Protective Bats and Birds

by Vigilante of Fanfics (knight_of_the_internet)



Series: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner ft. the Batfam [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6844093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_of_the_internet/pseuds/Vigilante%20of%20Fanfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title basically says it all.<br/>~Tags to be added~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What's Wrong with Damian?

**Author's Note:**

> Still a little unsure about making a series out of the dinner concept but oh well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> ALSO: I will gladly take any corrections seeing as I am currently going beta-less

* * *

"Hey demon brat." Stephanie said to Damian as she passed by him on her way out to patrol.

"Hello, Stephanie."

Stephane stopped midstep. Her eyes widened in shocked and surprise.

"Damian, are you okay?" She was very concerned for the younger boy.

"I'm fine. Just make sure you're on time for dinner tonight; you'll need it after patrol." Damian walked away and back up to the manor. 

Stephanie stood there in a daise. Perhaps she should tell the family about  the youngest's behavior.

Later in the afternoon, after patrol, Steph walked into one of the drawing rooms of the manor to be greeted with the sight of a white board in the corner and Cass and Tim staring intensely at it even though it only said two words: "Damian" and underneath it in smaller letters, "Drugs?"

"Whatcha guys doing?" She asked curiously and cautiously.

Before the two could answer Jason walked in exclaiming, "I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED. WHO THE HELL DRUGGED DEMON SPAWN?"  
  
"That's what we're trying to find out! Dick's getting the blood test results as we speak." said Tim. Upon closer inspection he looked spooked as if he had seen a ghost.

"What happened to you?" Steph asked Tim.

* * *

  

_ ~Two Hours Earlier~ _

 

Tim hadn't felt a sorrow this deep in a while.

He sat in the corner of his bed crying into the boyfriend pillow Steph got for him as a gag gift.

_If only my real boyfriend were here. NO, BAD TIM! DONT THINK ABOUT HIM!_

More tears fell from his face as the chorus of the song he was listening to began again.

_You got that James Dean daydream look in you eye..._

Tim started singing along terribly off key.

"CAuSe We'lL NeVer go OuT oF StYle!" his voice cracked at least twice in the last line alone.

Just as he was about to turn on some Adele. He noticed Damian with a somber expression staring at him from his doorframe.

Tim quickly tried to wipe away his tears. "Go away Damian! How long have you been standing there?"

Instead of replying, Damian quickly swept into Tim's room and gave him a hug. Just as fast as he came in, he left before Tim could comprehend anything.

* * *

 

_ ~End of flashback~ _

 

"So you think something's wrong with Damian because he gave you a hug?" Steph asked.

Tim nodded. "Mhmm"

"Oh my gosh you're so right! I knew something was wrong! He called me by my actual name. Not even a short little 'Brown'! He called me 'Stephanie'!"

"Cass, quickly, add that to the list."

Cass flipped the board to the other side where there was a list. Some of its contents included:  
Body Language  
Tim Hug  
Dick Compliance  
Acknowledgement of Babs  
Called Clark "Dad"  
Actually Said "Dank Meme"  
Helping make Dinner  
And more.

Cass added 'Called Steph by her name.'

"Cass, what does his body language tell you?"

She thought for a moment. "It's more relaxed. He's happy. But there's no obvious reason why. Perhaps we should let him be."

Everyone stared at the board thinking about the presented evidence.

  
While they were deep in thought, Dick rushed into the room with paper in his hands. Everyone turned to him, waiting for an answer.

"He's clean! No dugs in his system. However, he does have low blood sugar, so I told Alfred to readjust his dinner."

Everyone sighed in relief, but then were confused again. Just as Jason was going to suggest espionage, Alfred walked in.

"Masters Dick, Tim, Jason, and Miss Cassandra and Stephanie; Master Damian wishes that you all be punctual in attending tonight's dinner. He'd also like you to be most hospitable to the guest he is brining tonight."

Alfred's departure left a small silence of understanding in the room. Quietly, Dick said, "So that's what's up with Damian."

 

 


	2. Thank the Entities that Everyone is Trained in Stealth Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the guest is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little thang to help wrap this burrito up.

"Do you think he's bringing a date?" Dick asked.

  
Everyone sat in the drawing room in awkward silence.

 

"If he is then that means little Spawn of Satan has _some_ game." Jason said.

  
Silence. Again.

  
Before they could map out who Damian was brining to dinner the doorbell rang.

 

They all shared a look and immediatly got up and silently headed out to the hall and down the stairs. Everyone somehow managed to hide behind miscelaneous pieces of furniture with a view of the front door.

At the door, Alfred and Damian greeted a redheaded boy.

  
"What's with this family and redheads?" Steph asked.

  
"He gets it all from Dick." Tim said.

  
"Hey!" Dick exclaimed, close to breaking their cover.

  
"Shhh." Cass reprimanded them.

  
Just as everyone regained their composure, they heard Alfred say, "Master Damian, I've been notified that your father and Master Kent are returning. Perhaps we should call down the others to prepare for dinner."

  
"Scatter!" Jason scream-whispered.

  
Everyone quickly retreated back to the drawing room.

  
Only mere moments after quickly settling down, Damian knocked on the drawing room door, giving everyone a small demonstration of a cardiac event.

  
"Pennyworth would like me to tell you that we're having dinner. I expect everyone to be on their _very best_ behavior seeing as we have a guest." Damian's voice was stern, but his facial expressions eventually softened. "It would mean a lot to me if you didn't embarass me tonight."

  
Everyone stared at him.

  
"Please." he said after a small pause. He immediatly left, calling out behind him, "Hurry up!"

  
Tim started crying out of fear. "If that's how _he's_  acting because of a date then what is love?"

  
"Baby don't hurt me!" Jason, Dick, and Steph replied.

  
Cass just shook her head and walked over to comfort Tim.

  
"It's alright, you don't need to worry about that for a while."Jason said to Tim.

  
"Get rekt." Steph said.

  
"I've got a... thing going on..." Tim said defensively. He stood up and regained his composure. "Well, since there's no use to talking about it. Let's go downstairs."

 


	3. Overprotective Siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why the love life of a teenage boy is never discussed with older, protective siblings.

"Colin, would you mind passing the mashed potatoes?" Clark asked the nervous boy.

Almost all of Damian's "siblings" sent the red headed boy nasty glares. The only exception being Cass who was distracteed by a set of blue prints hidden on her lap.

"S-sure Mr. Kent." Colin unsteadily handed Clark the bowl in question.

"SO... _Colin_ ," Jason started, "what do you see in our little Dami here?" Jason smiled a faker smile than a reality tv show housewife.

"Um..." Colin was blushing from head to toe.

"I mean, you are dating, _r_ _ight_?" Tim added in an equally fake, earnest tone.

"You guys would look cute together if you were." Dick added. His face said 'polite', but his tone screamed 'I'm currently planning my trip to the Bahamas in order to get away with your murder.'

"Guys!" Steph said. "Lay off him." Bruce, Clark, and Damian sighed in relief and were at peace until, " _besides_ , it's not like they _should_ be dating."

Bruce was finally done with everyone's behavior. "That's it! All of you, to your rooms. Now." Clark turned to see an expression he saw too often: the Batglare (sans cape and cowl).

"I don't even live here!" Steph protested.

  
"Neither do I!" Dick also protested.

  
"I don't care! Find a room and go to it!" The kids pouted. "NOW."

  
One by one they walked out. Dick was in the lead, next was Jason, Tim, and then Steph. Cass stayed behind in an attempt to reason with Bruce.

"Do I have to go too?" Cass asked Bruce with the pout and innocent tone she knew he couldn't resist.

No matter how hard he tried, Bruce was not able to hold his ground. That is, until he rembered what she was doing during the actual dinner. He finally reached his decision. "Escpecially you, you know what you did, now go deal with it."

Cass walked out without any discernable expression.

"What was that about?" Clark asked Bruce.

"Nothing to worry about." Bruce simply said.

Bruce turned towards Colin with a reassuring smile, "Colin, are you finished eating?"

"Um, y-yes Mr. Wayne."

"Great! And you're staying the night I assume?"

Colin nodded.

"Why don't you go ahead to Damian's room and get settled while Clark and I have a quick chat with Damian? You're gladly welcomed here, so don't be a stranger, okay?"

Colin nodded and stood up. "Um, Damian? Where exactly is your room?"

"First left up the stairs, straight down, and the third room on the right." Damian said.

Colin nodded and scurried off.

After he left Damian turned to his Father and his... Kent. "What is it you wish to discuss with me?"

"Relax," Clark said, "we just want to go over a few rules and guidelines for tonight."

Damian blushed furiously. "At ease, it's not likely Wilkes and I will fornicate _tonight_."

As he said this, Bruce spit out the expensive wine he was drinking. "Okay, now we _need_ to go over some rules."

 

* * *

  
  
Colin made it to Damian's room in one peice. When he walked in he flipped the light switch only for it to not work.

" _What's happening_?" he wondered.

He almost screamed when one of Damian's siblings seemingly apeared before him, but was stopped by a large hand covering his mouth.

"Do not even _think_  of taking advantage of our brother." she said. Cass was it?

"Because if you do, we're not gonna kill you," a voice from the shadows of Damian's room said. _'Dick'_?

"We're just gonna hurt ya, really, really bad." finished the person who was blocking his mouth. _'Jason'_?

"So if you hurt Damian just a little bit," said a voice he was sure was Stephanie's.

"We'll be sure to make whatever happens to you look like a brutal accident." Tim finished.

In the end Cass was the only visible one, but he felt the glares of everyone in the room.

Cass walked up to him and looked him dead in the eye. "Are we clear?" she asked in a soft, low, and threatening voice.

Colin frantically nodded his head.

Somewhat satisfied by his respose, Cass took a few steps back and clapped her hands. Immediatly there was no trace of the death grip Jason held Colin in, and Cass dissappeared just as mysteriously as she appeared.

Suddenly the lights came on and Colin visibly flinched. "Colin? What are you doing with the lights turned off?"

Colin looked around the room to see no evidence to suggest anyone else was in there mere seconds ago.

"Um, nothing. I just thought I saw something... must be my imagination! So, you said you wanted to tell me something?"

  
"Yes well..."

 

* * *

 

-Meanwhile, In Damian's Closet-

 

"Replacement, scoot over, I barley have any room." Jason whispered-complained to Tim.

"Okay, whoever is groping me please stop." Steph whispered.

"Whoops." Tim whipered, embarassed.

"Cass what's taking so long with the secret passageway?" Dick silently asked.

"It should be opening up any second." she replied.

"Well, hurry up." Jason said.

Immediatly after they heard a silent slap and an even quiter 'ow'.

"Steph, what the hell?" Tim asked.

"I said stop groping me."

"Oops," Jason said, "that was me."

"Why you little-"

"I've opened the passageway." Cass finally said.

Everyone left before a fight could start... in Damian's closet.

 

* * *

 

-Half an hour later-

Cass walked down the stairs to see her father lounging around with Clark.

"How was it?" Bruce asked.

"The opperation was... effective." she replied.

"Good, that's good. You should get some sleep before you go out on patrol."

Cass nodded and walked back to her room.

Clark looked over at Bruce, "Do I even want to know?"

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." was all Bruce said. Besides, he had to keep next week's operation on Conner a secret _somehow._

 

 


End file.
